Sunrises and Life

 I love waking up early.  Normally, I set an alarm to get up to run, but my early bird tendencies have me up by 5 or 5:30 am most days anyway.  Waking up early gives me time to do things slowly.

In the early morning, I CANNOT do housework, errands, or homework or I will wake up the entire house. I CAN walk the dog who had surgery a few weeks ago and is still in a cone of shame, moving slowly.  I can hear the leaves rustling, I can hear the owl hooting, I can see the deer moving ever so delicately in my neighbor's yard, waiting to see if our dog will chase them.  I can listen to the odd barking in the distance and wonder if that is another dog, or part of the coyote pack we have been hearing at night.  I can hear these little things and I am thankful for that.

I CAN see dawn breaking.  Sunrise is my favorite part of every day.  With the sun rise, I see HOPE. The colors that God paints during a sunrise are breathtaking.  I know that sounds cheesy, but they are.  The pinks, oranges, purples.....they are a gift from Him.  If you are up early and outside, you notice that right before sunrise, the temperature drops ever so slightly, and often the wind picks up briefly.  The sky often has a lot of cirrus clouds, and many times, I have seen angel shapes in the sky at sunrise.  The wind clears them away from the night, where they have watched over us.  HOPE.

Once my kids are up, the busy starts.  We all know it well:  breakfast, chores, school work, discussions over school work, soccer, swimming, Ninja Warrior, trampoline, reading aloud, help with Pre-calculus, essay review, cooking dinner, laundry, and so on.  Busy-ness.  I don't look out the window as much.  My tendency is to become my self made to-do list, and to judge myself based on how much of it was completed that day.  I often fall into bed at night, berating myself for not having "done more."  Bleh.

THEN, I wake up.  Early.  Slowly.  My cup is refilled.  God has given me a new day.  HOPE.  JOY.

I have started taking a 20 minute "nap" in the early afternoon.  It is really a PAUSE.  Sometimes I sleep, but usually I just close my eyes and regroup.  I take that to-do list out of my head, and remind myself WHAT IS IMPORTANT IN LIFE:  my kids knowing that they are well loved and that they are learning to treat others with kindness and grace as Jesus would; my husband....that I can be truly present with him and love him well.  There will ALWAYS be a to-do list.  Always.  This pause in the middle of the day helps keep my priorities straight.  I am thankful that I am in a place in life where I can take a PAUSE.

It has been almost 15 months since Mom passed away.  It has been really hard.  The summer months were painful with all of the kids' birthdays as she used to send such fun stuff for them.  I went to counseling for a few months to work on me.  It really helped but, boy, was it hard work!

 Holidays are tough.  I hate going to the grocery store and seeing grandmothers and mommas shopping together, planning their Thanksgiving feast.  It's funny, because Mom and I never did that, but I WANTED that, and it makes me sad we did not do that.  Certain music hits me like a rock.  Mom loved playing Vivaldi in High Strung, and at Christmas, she played Christmas CDs.  There are some songs that just tear me up.....and others bring back good memories of us laughing at her store, me watching her wrap presents beautifully (like Mrs. Lawana could), and our knowledge that gift wrapping was NOT one of my gifts!

What I am learning is that life comes at us all day, every day. I must choose to either try and catch all of those curveballs, or to let some of them pass by and know it is okay.  Our culture wants us to catch them all.  We post our BEST things on Facebook, Instagram...we bring our Pinterest treats to schools to show what good mommas we are.  For me, that is not LIFE.  Life is waking up early, watching the sunrise, and feeling God's hands on my day.  LIFE for me is being authentic (easier typed than done!), being present, loving my family well, and treating others with kindness. That LIFE takes effort. It requires a lot of work on my end.  It makes me put away my to-do list.  If I am so busy trying to keep with our culture and my to-do list, how in the world can I slow down to be authentic?  It's a choice.  One that comes every single day.  The sunrise brings it.  HOPE.

My prayer is that you and yours have an "in the moment" Thanksgiving.  If the turkey is dry, you forgot to make gravy, or some other disaster happens, let it go.  Look around the table. What makes Thanksgiving is not the cornucopia of foods, but the beloved people who are with you.  With all of the tragedies and chaos our country has seen recently, it becomes so clear that life is precious.  We have a choice to make every day of how we will be, and every day I know I will screw it up.  But, I also know, that HOPE COMES IN THE MORNING.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Psalm 30:5  For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for a lifetime; Weeping may last for the night, but a shout of JOY comes in the morning.

Isaiah 40:31  Those who Hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint.

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.  Martin Luther King, Jr.

Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.  Desmond Tutu

Maybe you have to know the darkness before you can appreciate the light.  Madeline L'Engle

My Sunrise Poem

Theo Williams

The chirp of birds in the early morning

Bless my smiles with their innocent calling

I head outside with my blanket wrapped around

And lay there listening to this memorable sound.

Inspiring orange light of dawn, infatuating

With all colours the sun rise is portraying

Its cheerful glow fills my heart with serenity

And takes me to a tranquil fantasy.

Amaranth red shimmers of vitality

Creating the most curing reality

Shines transparently through my soul

And takes me to a place so beautiful.

Hues emphasise pure yellow rays of hope

That warms my aura lost in the clouds reflective pink coat

This morning ambience has risen bright

Like heaven shone down with its piercing light. 

There will be no melancholy, only a feeling so gay

Because my sun, you've just started my day. 

Love,

Eve

Grief

“When someone you love dies, and you're not expecting it, you don't lose her all at once; you lose her in pieces over a long time—the way the mail stops coming, and her scent fades from the pillows and even from the clothes in her closet and drawers. Gradually, you accumulate the parts of her that are gone. Just when the day comes—when there's a particular missing part that overwhelms you with the feeling that she's gone, forever—there comes another day, and another specifically missing part.” 
― John Irving, A Prayer for Owen Meany

“It's so curious: one can resist tears and 'behave' very well in the hardest hours of grief. But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window, or one notices that a flower that was in bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed, or a letter slips from a drawer... and everything collapses. ” 
― Colette

SO, it has almost been 8 months.  Some days it seems like she has always been gone, some days it seems like yesterday, and some days I still pick up the phone to call her.  Today is one of those days where it just seems like yesterday.  I was updating my iPhotos and pictures from August started to pop up.  Pictures of her in the hospital, or with me at her side in her home on hospice. She had a beautiful death and I know she made a grand entrance into Heaven.  I know she is better off now.

This week was just hard.  There were many things happening that I wanted to share with her. I took for granted how often I would call her to "unload" some of the chaos in life.  This week we lost another dear family member on Mom's side.  I ache for his children and the grief that has inevitably begun.  Death has a way of sneaking up on you, and shaking all the chaos you allow to pile up on you OFF, so that you can see.  You can see what really matters. You can see family.  You can see true friends.  Most importantly, you can see God.  He has a hand in everything.  He was with Mom. I can see how perfectly her life and death was planned by him.  I don't have to like it, but I can see it.  I can also see the hope we have. The hope through Jesus. I do see that, really, I do.  But, today, I just want to curl up and be sad.  I want to look at pictures from growing up, and look at pictures at Mom holding my babies, and think about her perfectly set tables and her beautiful smile.  Because that is what I miss.

I know we'll meet again.  I know God has great plans.  But, I also know it is okay to be sad.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18  So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

Love, 

Eve

A Snapshot (or 20) of Life

Zoom zoom.  Wake up, get my run in, laundry changed, dog fed, dishwasher unloaded.  Coffee made, lunches packed.  Kids awake? Breakfast, morning chores, drive anyone to tutorial that needs to go.  Come home, regroup.  Morning devotional, reading aloud, list for the day's school work/activities. Short break, more teaching. Lunch, recess, dinner plans.  Complete school work, afternoon drive begins.  Pick up from tutorials, squeeze an errand in, drive to soccer or swim. Home, feed dog, make dinner.  Eat as family, pack up from sports, finish work. Evening chores, bedtime rituals, read aloud, reboot laundry.  Off to bed.  Repeat daily. Zoom Zoom.

Monotonous?  Maybe.  Boring? Never.  A good friend shared the quote with me and it is so true…."The days are long, but the years are short."  We ARE busy.  We do a lot with 4 kids….just living life is a lot. But, we are living it TOGETHER.  Homeschool lets us have that luxury, and it is a complete and total gift. Could my house be cleaner? Sure.  Could my cakes by prettier? Sure.  Could I eat lunch with my friends more? Sure.  But those times will come. For now, God has put me exactly where He needs me to be.  And that is with my peeps. They need me to be present to listen, and to laugh, and to do nothing but be THERE somedays. They can define the THERE.  So that is where I am.  Where we are….where life is.  And I wouldn't change a thing…..most days anyway :)

Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you. ~Carl Sandburg

The Future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is. ~C.S. Lewis

Florie's first day of homeschool tutorial

My new hobby

Girls must have fun

Princess by day, Mole Killer by Night

Our new backyard has just enough slope for fun

Poor Puppy

Why I love early morning runs

How can she be so BIG!?

Ok, I admit in now.  Alex is taller than me.

High school soccer first season….we love our homeschool team!

Staples in the head…..trooper.

Handsome young man on his first semi-formal….

Girls' weekend

Boys' weekend

Some of us have mastered the selfie

Champions

Visiting my brother at his favorite locale, the horse competition for my niece

Mother's Day Tea

Another of my overweighted, eggless cakes that taste really dang good.

Visiting my Mom

Science experiments for fun

Park day…who cares if it is 100 degrees?

Ben turned 12.

Reliving favorite memories and places from early childhood.

Peace.

Or me at 9 pm every night!

Cherish your TIME.

Love,

Eve

Getting Older….

Today is the day.  I am off and away….happy 42nd to me!  It is also Florie's birthday!  I love sharing the day with her….when I saw on her file when we were matched that her birthday was also June 26, I knew.  She was ours.

The last few years have been the beginning of a long overdue metamorphosis for me.  Marriage to my best friend now 18 years, 4 children, homeschool, adoption….all of these amazing gifts of life have also  changed me.  Some days there were huge blows, but most days there have been tiny scratches to my soul.  I am a pleaser by nature (think about Maya Angelou's quote re: "wearing catcher's mitt on both hands"..that would be me).  I am also a conflict avoider and stuff it inside kind of person.  But, all of the aforementioned gifts need a better mom, wife, and friend.  They need the healthiest me I can give them….physically and SPIRITUALLY.

William and I have worked together on how to best parent our children.  A large portion of our game plan came from first recognizing what WE bring to the table with parenting.  (Yes, adoptive friends, we are hooked on Karyn Purvis and The Connected Child).  We have had to develop code words for each other.

SIMPLIFY

PRIORITIES

EXPECTATIONS

Trying to keep my focus on these 3 words has started to change who I am, how I respond, and how I connect to others.  Life on Earth is short.  We hold such power in our words and in our actions.  I know this, but when I really HEAR this, it drops me to my knees.  I am not worthy of this power.  I screw it up every single day.  I need help. I need Jesus.  I need supportive friends.  I need Jesus. I need my husband to keep my focus, my strength.  I need Jesus.  I  fall back on my "on my goodness did those words actually just come out of my mouth" self way too easily. That is why I must simplify.  For me, this means not saying yes to everything.  I am the queen of the sign up sheets.  BRING IT ON.  This phenomena has improved slightly since moving to homeschool, but I am still too quick to sign up.  SIMPLIFY.  It is okay to say no sometimes. I must examine my PRIORITIES too.  What are my goals? To be the coolest mom out there (let's all hope not as my kids roll their eyes).  Setting my priorities along with William will help us focus on the things most important to us.  Lastly, EXPECTATIONS.  I have talked a lot recently with my kids about expectations and disappointments.  They go hand in hand.  The middle boys have written a lot about the Good Samaritan in their tutorial work.  It has opened up a huge discussion for expectations, and shortly after that, Empowered to Connect sent out an email on that very topic.  (YES, God I HEAR you!).  

DISCLAIMER:  I just found this post that I never finished.  We ended up moving shortly after this so life became a whirlwind.  Simplify….paused.  Priorities….pretty good.  Expectations…..ahem.  Now Florie and I are 1/2 years plus older.  It is time to reset, refocus.  SIMPLIFY. PRIORITIES. EXPECTATIONS.  Did I mention I screw up daily?  But if you see me, know these are the goals. You can even say these words to me. I need you to.  I need Jesus to.  My words and actions are monitored everyday by 4 young people who will take apiece of me into their adult lives.  I know which piece I pray that will be!  

Love,

Eve

“There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living.” 
― José N. Harris

Proverbs 18:21 The tongue has the power of life and death; and those who love it will eat its fruit

Isaiah 40:31

but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Camping…What a Gift!

Happy Memorial Day weekend!  I am so thankful for all of the men and women who have served our country to protect our freedoms.  My family spent this weekend camping and enjoying the freedoms afforded to us there.  I loved heading home today and seeing all of the flags at half-mast to remind me how BLESSED we are in the USA.

William and I have two couples' friends who also enjoy camping with their families.  Between us, we have 13 children.  There are 9 boys and 4 girls, and they are all within a 10 year age range of each other.  All of the girls are adopted from China, and one sweet one is already waiting up in Heaven for the rest of her family…

This is our second camping trip together.  Last fall we hiked in 4 miles to set up camp, spent one night, and hiked another 4 miles out the very next day.  This time we decided to take it easy on ourselves and only hike in 2 miles, and to spend TWO nights.  This turned out to be a very good decision!  All of the kids hiked without much help or complaints, and the campsite we wanted was OPEN!  We had a fire pit and a stream next to us.  The stream had a 10 foot water fall with a small pool at the bottom where the kids could fish or swim….aka hours of entertainment!

We enjoyed lots of good food, good talks, good times watching the kids play and talk, naps, hikes, and so on.  Camping takes a lot of work, but IT IS SO WORTH IT!

For a few glimpses of what we did:

Ben searched the creek

and found salamanders

We learned how to set up camp

and whittle sticks

We attempted spearfishing

And danced to the song of birds

We stoked the fire

and loved our Daddies

We stoked the fire more….

and made fans from leaves to love on our Moms

We ate dinner close up and personal

and saw what creatures came to the creek after dusk

We ate a lot of smores

and hiked down the trail for potty breaks

Coffee is the BEST in the outdoor mornings

We explored on our own

We found glorious lizards

and were amazed by the work of beavers

We reveled in God's beauty…the Mountain Laurel

We made closer bonds while listening to FROZEN

We caught, dissected, and ate crayfish

Some of us just stuck to hot dogs

We fished as a team

and hung out to cook dinner

We were just silly and loud sometimes…it keeps the bears away

But, if not, we learned to hang our food properly

The ghost stories came out at night

and were relished by all

and made our hair stand on end

but still we slept….well 

Till next time……

“Thousands of tired, nerve-shaken, over-civilized people are beginning to find out going to

 the mountains is going home; that wilderness is a necessity…” 

― John Muir

Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.

John Lubbock