Today, we laid to rest Big B. He was my last grandparent. He lived until he was 96 years old, had 3 children, 4 grandchildren, and 6 great-grandchildren at the time of his passing. Big B was a tall man, and always seemed so BIG and powerful to me. When we would visit when I was a young girl, I remember waiting for him to come home from work. He owned a hardware store and it was so fun to go in there and touch all of the bolts, nuts, hammers, nails, etc…big bins of all of them. But the best part of the day was when he came home from work. I would wait on the front porch, and he would come out with his toddy. Once he finished (when seemed to take FOREVER when I was 6!), we could walk up the street to see Leo the Lion at UNA. I loved those walks…Big B would talk about stuff that I cannot recall now, but I know I loved going with him. Big B also would let me climb ALL OVER him as he sat in his recliner once we were home. My grandmother, Ginger, would come in and say enough of the climbing, and then we would watch tv. I have visions of Lawrence Welk that pop into my head randomly and they bring tears to my eyes today. THEN, as a young child, I was pretty sure I was being tortured at times by having to watch, but the older, wiser me now is so thankful for those times.
During my teen years, I became busy, but was still able to go visit. My mom would drive me to Memphis and Big B would meet me there. I remember driving his car to Alabama for the first time. I was so nervous! He reminded me to keep my hands on 10 and 2 at all times. He also would speak to me about things like dating, about reputations, and about marriage. I remember thinking then how I wished the conversation would just end. Today, I would give anything to go back to my young, silly, naive self, and say, "Soak it in, sweetie. Listen to his words. Soak them in. One day he will be gone and all you will have is his words."
Big B and Ginger were there for high school graduations, college graduations (what a fun night that was! My friend drove over 25 miles with the parking break of Big B's rental car ON so when we pulled up for dinner, the car smelled terrible and was smoking :) My brother's date spilled red wine all over herself…memories!). They were present when life started getting busier for me. Medical school and residency limited visits from me, but we still kept in touch. Then came KIDS. I realized how much I wanted my kids to know their extended family if possible. I started calling Big B and Ginger on Sunday mornings. Little did I know how precious these calls would become to me.
Some days we talked football. Big B was always up on sports. He was a collegiate swimmer and an avid tennis player and golfer. He loved to hear about my running, and I would often call on the way from a long run and tell him how many miles I had been. Some days we talked birds, comparing what types we each had in our backyards. Other times we talked about the kids, his friends, our family, or even how long it took him to stretch out his legs that morning. For 13 years we talked almost every single Sunday (minus the time I was in China). Those phone calls are what I treasure the most right now. It kept us connected, and I will be ever grateful for them.
Big B lived in his house alone and drove to work until July of this year. He was a strong, independent, commanding man, but he loved the simple things too. He loved to sit on a chair on his front porch and watch my boys play football with William. He would remark about the bright color in the cheeks and how healthy they looked. We picked him up once to come watch the boys play soccer in Huntsville. It was SO windy and chilly that day, but Big B sat in his chair with Florie in his lap and a special bag of candy he had in his pocket, smiled, and soaked in the day.
I last saw Big B the weekend before Thanksgiving. His short term memory was very poor, but he knew all of us when we came in his room. We talked about the soccer games in Huntsville, and about all the times we met at Cracker Barrel in Athens for a meal. We recalled how fun it was to play checkers, and he kept saying, "Let's do it again real soon." I knew that day that I may not see him again. He passed away on December 5, 2013.
Today after his funeral, we went to visit Leo the Lion. UNA has changed, but I became that little girl holding her grandfather's hand and staring into the big cage in awe. We drove past the house my mom, uncle, and aunt grew up in. It was the one with the porch I would wait for Big B. It pulled out memories of Christmases past, where we would all be together, with my cousins, opening gifts and listening to Ginger recount the tale of how my uncle always wanted a pony for Christmas. We had a lunch at Big B's current house, and I remembered so many things as I walked around, looking at pictures….what I treasure most is the memories I have. As my brother stated in the eulogy today, how blessed are we to be in our 40s and have had this much time with our grandfather. I think about all of the amazing memories I have of him, with him, about him. Too many to write about it. I am thankful for every one.
I know Big B is up in Heaven, peaceful again, "doing the Charleston with Ginger", as my mom said. I am a better person because I knew him.
- When someone you love becomes a
- memory, the memory becomes a treasure.
Cheers to you Big B. I love you!
