52 Years Ago...Remembering Amanda

It has been an emotional day.  I have had Amanda on my mind all day, and tried to squeeze in home school with the kids, and normal day "stuff."  I have read the posts on Amanda's facebook page, and on  others' pages who held her so dear.  What a difference she made to so many....lives she saved, faith she encouraged, strength she gave.  I know that if she could respond to all the messages she would do so humbly.  Something along the lines of "I cannot believe so many people took the time to write so many nice things about ME...I am just doing my work that Heavenly Father has blessed me to be able to do." That would be followed by a pause, a watery eye, and then a "all I want for my birthday is a good piece of cake...and maybe a pair of those high heel shoes I love but have no need for!"

Her 51st Birthday Party at Chuy's

Florie helped with the candles

I think about all of the people who Amanda has connected through her work.  I see Starfish families in Kentucky united with families in Holland, and volunteers from ALL over the world who share a love for Starfish babies.  I see amazing women like Jeannie Butler, Ali Johnson, Stephanie Barbee, Sherri Farr, Amy Christiansen, Valeri Overmeyer,  and Sarah Rummage who served Amanda by joining forces at the end of her life (though we did not know then how short the end would be...) and who taught me what it means to truly love a friend well, to love unconditionally.  I see the Starfish Board who has worked so hard over the last year to preserve Amanda's dream....to carry the torch she began.  I see so many individuals who were affected by Amanda...deeply, passionately...including Kay, Marianne, and more.  I see her family in South Africa and am so happy to have been able to meet her mother.

Amanda and Jeannie

Amanda and Sherri

I feel some regrets that I have had to grow beyond.  I regret the day that my photography friend took pictures of Amanda.  I had been for a run that morning and had not showered yet.  Vickie offered to take a picture of the two of us, but I declined, saying that we would do it again soon.  That time never came.  All the times I was with Amanda, I have no photo of us.  We did make one photo together, the day before she went to Heaven.  It is beautiful, but it is one that I will only show to myself. Amanda was not quite at her best then.  She taught me to look beyond myself...at things that are truly important. Who cares if I was dirty that day?  Our smiles would have been captured.  I try to take the time now to pause and to be free to love unconditionally.

The song "Amazing Grace" has been playing over and over in my head today:

Amazing Grace
How Sweet the Sound

That Saved a Wretch like Me
I Once was Lost
But Now am Found
Was Blind but Now I See

I know Amanda sees now.  I know that she is at peace.  I know that her wings are huge, and that she is always by our sides...all of us who have been touched by this angel.  

From a poem from Unknown who says what Amanda would say about her cancer and her life:

No chance hath brought this ill to me;

'Tis God's own hand, so let it be,

He seeth what I cannot see.

There is a need-be for each pain,

And one day will make it plain

That earthly loss is heavenly gain.

Like as a piece of tapestry

Viewed from the back appears to be

Naught but threads tangled hopelessly;

But in the front a picture fair

Rewards the worker for his care,

Proving his skill and patience rare.

Thou are the Workman, I the frame.

Lord, for the glory of Thy Name,

Perfect Thine image on the same.

Happy Birthday Amanda.

I love you, and miss you!