52 Years Ago...Remembering Amanda

It has been an emotional day.  I have had Amanda on my mind all day, and tried to squeeze in home school with the kids, and normal day "stuff."  I have read the posts on Amanda's facebook page, and on  others' pages who held her so dear.  What a difference she made to so many....lives she saved, faith she encouraged, strength she gave.  I know that if she could respond to all the messages she would do so humbly.  Something along the lines of "I cannot believe so many people took the time to write so many nice things about ME...I am just doing my work that Heavenly Father has blessed me to be able to do." That would be followed by a pause, a watery eye, and then a "all I want for my birthday is a good piece of cake...and maybe a pair of those high heel shoes I love but have no need for!"

Her 51st Birthday Party at Chuy's

Florie helped with the candles

I think about all of the people who Amanda has connected through her work.  I see Starfish families in Kentucky united with families in Holland, and volunteers from ALL over the world who share a love for Starfish babies.  I see amazing women like Jeannie Butler, Ali Johnson, Stephanie Barbee, Sherri Farr, Amy Christiansen, Valeri Overmeyer,  and Sarah Rummage who served Amanda by joining forces at the end of her life (though we did not know then how short the end would be...) and who taught me what it means to truly love a friend well, to love unconditionally.  I see the Starfish Board who has worked so hard over the last year to preserve Amanda's dream....to carry the torch she began.  I see so many individuals who were affected by Amanda...deeply, passionately...including Kay, Marianne, and more.  I see her family in South Africa and am so happy to have been able to meet her mother.

Amanda and Jeannie

Amanda and Sherri

I feel some regrets that I have had to grow beyond.  I regret the day that my photography friend took pictures of Amanda.  I had been for a run that morning and had not showered yet.  Vickie offered to take a picture of the two of us, but I declined, saying that we would do it again soon.  That time never came.  All the times I was with Amanda, I have no photo of us.  We did make one photo together, the day before she went to Heaven.  It is beautiful, but it is one that I will only show to myself. Amanda was not quite at her best then.  She taught me to look beyond myself...at things that are truly important. Who cares if I was dirty that day?  Our smiles would have been captured.  I try to take the time now to pause and to be free to love unconditionally.

The song "Amazing Grace" has been playing over and over in my head today:

Amazing Grace
How Sweet the Sound

That Saved a Wretch like Me
I Once was Lost
But Now am Found
Was Blind but Now I See

I know Amanda sees now.  I know that she is at peace.  I know that her wings are huge, and that she is always by our sides...all of us who have been touched by this angel.  

From a poem from Unknown who says what Amanda would say about her cancer and her life:

No chance hath brought this ill to me;

'Tis God's own hand, so let it be,

He seeth what I cannot see.

There is a need-be for each pain,

And one day will make it plain

That earthly loss is heavenly gain.

Like as a piece of tapestry

Viewed from the back appears to be

Naught but threads tangled hopelessly;

But in the front a picture fair

Rewards the worker for his care,

Proving his skill and patience rare.

Thou are the Workman, I the frame.

Lord, for the glory of Thy Name,

Perfect Thine image on the same.

Happy Birthday Amanda.

I love you, and miss you!

Thinking of Amanda

January 14 marks 6 months since Amanda de Lange left this world to join her Heavenly Father.  A group of us from Team Amanda here in Nashville are meeting for lunch at a Mexican restaurant to celebrate her life by sharing memories over chips and salsa.  Amanda loved chips and salsa and it was really hard to come by in China!

I have a picture of her hanging in my office....with the Starfish Story printed under it as was handed out at her memorial in Nashville.  It brings a smile to me when I look at it, and reminds me before I go into the world each day that I WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE TO THIS ONE whether that means my own child, the cashier at the grocery store, the mailman, or my dearest friends.  When Amanda first arrived in Nashville, her plane landed about 9:30 pm at night. I went to the airport to get her, and that was one of the two times that she cried here.  (the other was when I took her to the hospital on June 28 when she was in such pain....).  She said she cried because she felt relief, and a sense of safety.  She felt comfort.  She said over and over how God had brought her to Nashville for a reason, and she was ready to do whatever He wanted for her.

We went to the doctor first thing the next day.  It was a really long day, and they wanted to admit her.  They did, and ran tests which came back unexpectedly positive.  When she was discharged, we rode back to my house thinking about all we had learned. We had to stop in Walgreens for some prescriptions, and she came in with me.  It was like watching a kid in a candy store for the first time.  Amanda walked up and down each aisle, quietly, and looked at everything.  Her only remark is how crazy it was to see all of this STUFF in one place. China did not have that in her area.  When we checked out, our cashier just had a blank, lost face.  She was like a robot, doing her job, but was clearly not "present."  Amanda reached out to her and asked her how she was, could Amanda do anything to help her?  Amanda, in a new country less than 48 hours, completely uncertain whether or not she would return to the country she loved, where her babies lived, stood there BALD from chemo, and asked the cashier could she pray for her.  Amanda was worried about the cashier for days, and we even went back to that Walgreens once, but that cashier was not there.

That epitomizes Amanda.  She strived to make a difference to each and every ONE that she came across.  She took the time to reach out even briefly to others.  I found a poem in a devotional I am reading now, and it spoke deeply to me.  This is how I thought of Amanda, and how she affected me:

Once I heard a song of sweetness,

As it cleft the morning air,

Sounding in its blest completeness, 

Like a tender, pleading prayer;

And I sought to find the singer,

Whence the wondrous song was borne;

And I found a bird, sore wounded,

Pinioned by a cruel thorn.

I have seen a soul in sadness, 

While its wings with pain were furl'd,

Giving hope, and cheer and gladness

That should bless a weeping world

And I knew that life of sweetness

Was of pain and sorrow borne,

And a stricken soul was singing,

With its heart against a thorn.

Ye are told of One who loved you,

Of a Saviour crucified,

Ye are told of nails that pinioned,

And a spear that pierced His side;

Ye are told of cruel scourging,

Of a Saviour bearing scorn,

And He died for your salvation,

With His brow against a thorn.

Ye "are not above the Master."

Will you breathe a sweet refrain?

And His grace will be sufficient,

When your heart is pierced with pain.

Will you live to bless His loved ones,

Tho' your life be bruised and torn,

Like the bird that sang so sweetly,

With its heart against a thorn?

As we celebrate Amanda's life, please remember to help carry on her legacy...pray for and support Starfish if you are able.  Reach out to those around you. Make a difference to the ONE that you encounter.  Amanda was right.  God did send her here for many reasons....and one of those was to strengthen my faith in HIM.

Tomorrow, I will enjoy chips and salsa and laugh about stories of Amanda....it would be what she wanted!

And did she ever make a difference the ONE!!!

Love,

Eve

Anniversaries...how quickly they come

On Thanksgiving 2010, we first saw this sweet picture of a little girl in China who was destined to be our daughter.  Five months later, she was placed in our arms in a smoky hotel conference room three hours from her "home" town.  She was so brave that day.  I remember how big her eyes were as she took in all that was happening around her, and listened to the nannies (not her personal nanny, but the ones whose job it is to bring the babies to their new adoptive parents) as they reminded her to "be good,"  "this is Mama and Baba and ge-ge." She was almost two years old.

First glimpse.  11 months old

17 months old---waiting on us.

First day. First bottle. First family.

12 days after we officially became family.

Her 2nd birthday.  A Boger for 2 months. See how her eyes have changed.

First Beach Trip.

6 months home.

And the personality shines.  Like crazy.

She is a swimmer. 3 years old.

She is an outdoor gal.

She is now an artist.

And a chocolate cake chef.

And a soccer player.

And an academician.

She is a scientist, curious to know, "WHY?"

She is a model who LOVES to be photographed.

Again and again.

She is a sister. And a princess.  And a boss.  And a Boger.

Most importantly, she IS loved.  She is precious.  She can conquer whatever challenges come her way, because she has her FAMILY to back her up.

We just passed her 1 1/2 years of being HOME.  She adds a sparkle to our lives.  She is so stinking cute, she is a major whiner  learning not to whine and to use a big girl voice, she is Trouble with a capital T sometimes, but she is ours and we are hers.  We are all improving everyday.  She has almost been with us as long as she was without us. She asks those hard questions, like "I stay with my nanny till you came BACK to get me in China?" prompting me to keep open the past for her.  The harder questions are yet to come, but family sticks together.  We will walk that walk together.  

Love begins at home and it is not how much we

 do, but how much love we put into that action.

We think sometimes that poverty is only being 

hungry, naked and homeless. The poverty of 

being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the 

greatest poverty. We must start in our own 

homes to remedy this kind of poverty.

---Mother Teresa

It's Been Awhile.....

Time flies when you are having fun.  I never thought about what that meant when my Mom used to say that growing up.  I get it now as I look at my kids, growing like weeds, and how time just passes by when they are doing something they love.  Playing soccer.  Hiking in the woods, on trail or on adventure.  Sitting by a campfire.  Being read to aloud.  Coloring.  Cooking dinner.  Hanging with friends.  Time just flies.

So, it's been awhile since my last post.  We have all had birthdays, and the school year is well under way.  This year, we made a family decision to home school.  We have talked about it for years, you know, when I would go into the Parent Teacher Store and come out briefly enamored by the idea.  We decided after a thorough look at area school last winter (over 9 private/tutorial schools!) that if we were EVER going to home school, this would be the year to start.  We are 9 weeks in, and so far, so good!  Alex goes to a tutorial 2 days a week and loves it.  He is challenged by his work, and has learned so much about independence and time management.  Ben is also at a tutorial 2 days  a week (different days), and has loved making new friends and having the freedom to delve deeper into ideas.  Jack is home schooled all at home right now, which he thinks is the bomb because he can take soccer kicking breaks frequently!  Florie is also at a 2 day per week preschool very close to our home.  It has given her a new sense of leaving us and coming back home, and she LOVES her friends there.  She is one social gal!!  I am finally getting a grip on how things should flow and not pushing the kids too hard as I worry that they will not learn enough.  At the rate we went the first three weeks, I think they all would have been in calculus next semester!  It is fun to have them home more, and have more family time.  The house is a bit worse for wear, but hey....it can be clean later in life!

The kids are all playing soccer this fall...the older three do travel soccer, and Florie plays for the rec league with William as her coach.  We never go anywhere without a soccer ball now.  I think they fall out of my car when the doors open :)  The boys are also able to do home school swim which they have loved.  It is fun to watch how much they improve!  I have been running again (yay!) and will run in the Ragnar Relay coming up in a few weeks.  William has taken to trail hiking with our dog Izzy....they both love the freedom.

Other than that, we have been cooking dinners, folding laundry, running to practices, and just hanging. Funny, I have very little time in front of the computer nowadays.  There is so much more to do!

Anyway, a few of my favorite pics from recent events:

Celebrating my Grandfather's 95th Birthday!!

What a lucky gal to know her GREAT Grandad!

Spending the day competing with the rugby team on Dragon Boats

And we WON!

First Field Trip as Home School Kiddos!

Learning about the different stages of a trout's life

Yay IMAX!

Touching his favorite animal...remind me next time to put them in SLEEVELESS shirts!

They are like magnets for butterflies....

and a butterfly garden is in the works :)

Hmmmmm...

Yep, we like SILLY!

The aquarium never gets dull...

A perfect night.  Face painting AND ice cream, AND the princess chair??!!

Jack in the wild...he adventured for hours!

Ben collected the MOST AMAZING leaves!

Early morning cocoa

Two breakfast choices....oatmeal or oatmeal...

The only people on the camping trip who regularly visited the "potty"

Free time to sit, and just stare at the fire

I heart my peeps!

I thank you God for this most amazing day, for the leaping greenly spirits of trees, and for the blue dream of sky and for everything which is natural, which is infinite, which is yes.  ~e.e. cummings