Where Did 2013 Go?

Time keeps ticking, ticking away.  It seems like yesterday that we were ringing in 2013, and that I finally was able to remember to write 2013 instead of 2012.  Yet, here we are again. Another year passed.  A year filled with memories of family, friends, goals, silliness, and love.  Time comes and goes, but we are blessed.  We get to keep the memories…you know, the ones you really want to bottle up and never forget.

Where did we spend our 2013?  A little bit here and a lot bit there!

Florie snow skied for the first time

We took in the beauty of God's world

Alex ran a fantastic and fun campaign 

There were Daddy and daughter dates

We took the kids to my old stomping grounds…minus The Palms

We learned about our nation's history in Washington D.C.

We celebrated Jesus

We stopped at the St Louis Zoo in between soccer games

They even rode a rhinoceros beetle

Ben captured Izzy in as still of life as she gets

Alex perfected his mud pie

Ben moved into the double digits

Mommy and daughter dates always involved silly selfless

I got the best Mother's Day present ever from the cutest soccer player

Alex became a Duke Tip finalist

We played bats at the playground

Jack turned 8 and loved his very, very home made cake

Hilton Head was explored from head to toe

The waves were conquered

The fish were caught and released

The parents were relaxed

The beach was never the same

Ben's butterfly garden was built….and we even had Monarch butterflies hatch!

Florie made her first 3 mile hike all by herself

Grandad taught us about the farm

Alex became a referee and started his first job at age 13

School started which is a MUST time for silly photo op

Alex won a soccer tournament, on his 13th birthday

sigh.  a grown up dinner date with our teenager

Tough but tender times were spent outdoors

Ben mastered the hamster ball

We took on a camping trip with 6 adults and 12 kids

we survived, and are even planning the next!

Mommy and boys date to see Chris Tomlin

big girl finished her soccer season with a bang

Sneaking away to the Ryman

We mastered school projects

and drew many, many pictures of Mommy and Florie :)

The Ninja, Wolverine, and the Grim Reaper defended the Peacock Fairy on Halloween night, and were paid for their work in chocolate

Marathon PRs were made

Bones were broken

We said a very hard goodbye to our sweet Sadie, almost 17 years old

We visited family when Big B was sick

But, we lost Big B, my grandad I was blessed to have in my life for 41 years.  We gave thanks that he is at peace now.  What an amazing journey he had.  I miss you Big B!

William and the boys designed paper airplanes and made surprise attacks on me

Jack patrolled the house to maintain safe borders

Ben began cooking

We loved each other

I am excited to see what 2014 brings.  Skiing, home school, soccer tournaments, swim meets, running, art lessons, rugby and trail running for William, vegan cooking, reading, daily house chores, and just playing football in our street should keep us pretty busy….and create those little moments of time called memories.  I know the time will fly by.  That is the season our family is in now.  My prayer is that we stay PRESENT in the moment.  PRESENT meaning we put down the rectangles, we sit and truly listen to each other when talking (and not think about what is next on the list or what we want to say next….the list can wait :)).  So if you come to our house, know our door is open and we love visitors, you will likely hear the words ARE YOU PRESENT?  If not, you may be asked to leave your rectangle on the counter!

Wishing you and yours a very HAPPY NEW YEAR.  Here's to the memories yet to be made!

Clocks slay time... time is dead as long as it is being clicked off by little wheels; only when the clock stops does time come to life.  ~William Faulkner

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.” 
― Eric Roth, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button screenplay

Ecclesiastes 3

There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

2     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
4     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

9 What do workers gain from their toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. 13 That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.

Big B….A Day to Remember

Our memories are complicated….how we store them, what "triggers" pull them out for us to recall, and even what we truly remember.  I remember my Dad's farm whenever I smell gasoline, or oil, as it takes me back to the tractors around the shop.  I remember my grandfather, Big B, whenever I see a beautiful bird. He always had bird food out at his house.

Today, we laid to rest Big B.  He was my last grandparent.  He lived until he was 96 years old, had 3 children, 4 grandchildren, and 6 great-grandchildren at the time of his passing.  Big B was a tall man, and always seemed so BIG and powerful to me.  When we would visit when I was a young girl, I remember waiting for him to come home from work.  He owned a hardware store and it was so fun to go in there and touch all of the bolts, nuts, hammers, nails, etc…big bins of all of them.  But the best part of the day was when he came home from work.  I would wait on the front porch, and he would come out with his toddy.  Once he finished (when seemed to take FOREVER when I was 6!), we could walk up the street to see Leo the Lion at UNA.  I loved those walks…Big B would talk about stuff that I cannot recall now, but I know I loved going with him. Big B also would let me climb ALL OVER him as he sat in his recliner once we were home.  My grandmother, Ginger, would come in and say enough of the climbing, and then we would watch tv.  I have visions of Lawrence Welk that pop into my head randomly and they bring tears to my eyes today.  THEN, as a young child, I was pretty sure I was being tortured at times by having to watch, but the older, wiser me now is so thankful for those times.

During my teen years, I became busy, but was still able to go visit.  My mom would drive me to Memphis and Big B would meet me there.  I remember driving his car to Alabama for the first time.  I was so nervous! He reminded me to keep my hands on 10 and 2 at all times.  He also would speak to me about things like dating, about reputations, and about marriage.  I remember thinking then how I wished the conversation would just end.  Today, I would give anything to go back to my young, silly, naive self, and say, "Soak it in, sweetie.  Listen to his words.  Soak them in.  One day he will be gone and all you will have is his words."

Big B and Ginger were there for high school graduations, college graduations (what a fun night that was!  My friend drove over 25 miles with the parking break of Big B's rental car ON so when we pulled up for dinner, the car smelled terrible and was smoking :)  My brother's date spilled red wine all over herself…memories!).  They were present when life started getting busier for me.  Medical school and residency limited visits from me, but we still kept in touch. Then came KIDS.  I realized how much I wanted my kids to know their extended family if possible.  I started calling Big B and Ginger on Sunday mornings.  Little did I know how precious these calls would become to me.

Some days we talked football. Big B was always up on sports. He was a collegiate swimmer and an avid tennis player and golfer.  He loved to hear about my running, and I would often call on the way from a long run and tell him how many miles I had been.  Some days we talked birds, comparing what types we each had in our backyards.  Other times we talked about the kids, his friends, our family, or even how long it took him to stretch out his legs that morning.  For 13 years we talked almost every single Sunday (minus the time I was in China).  Those phone calls are what I treasure the most right now.  It kept us connected, and I will be ever grateful for them.

Big B lived in his house alone and drove to work until July of this year.  He was a strong, independent, commanding man, but he loved the simple things too.  He loved to sit on a chair on his front porch and watch my boys play football with William.  He would remark about the bright color in the cheeks and how healthy they looked. We picked him up once to come watch the boys play soccer in Huntsville.  It was SO windy and chilly that day, but Big B sat in his chair with Florie in his lap and a special bag of candy he had in his pocket, smiled, and soaked in the day.  

I last saw Big B the weekend before Thanksgiving.  His short term memory was very poor, but he knew all of us when we came in his room.  We talked about the soccer games in Huntsville, and about all the times we met at Cracker Barrel in Athens for a meal. We recalled how fun it was to play checkers, and he kept saying, "Let's do it again real soon." I knew that day that I may not see him again.  He passed away on December 5, 2013.  

Today after his funeral, we went to visit Leo the Lion.  UNA has changed, but I became that little girl holding her grandfather's hand and staring into the big cage in awe.  We drove past the house my mom, uncle, and aunt grew up in. It was the one with the porch I would wait for Big B.  It pulled out memories of Christmases past, where we would all be together, with my cousins, opening gifts and listening to Ginger recount the tale of how my uncle always wanted a pony for Christmas.  We had a lunch at Big B's current house, and I remembered so many things as I walked around, looking at pictures….what I treasure most is the memories I have.  As my brother stated in the eulogy today, how blessed are we to be in our 40s and have had this much time with our grandfather.  I think about all of the amazing memories I have of him, with him, about him.  Too many to write about it. I am thankful for every one.

I know Big B is up in Heaven, peaceful again, "doing the Charleston with Ginger", as my mom said.  I am a better person because I knew him.

• When someone you love becomes a 
• memory, the memory becomes a treasure.
• 
  

Cheers to you Big B.  I love you!

52 Years Ago...Remembering Amanda

It has been an emotional day.  I have had Amanda on my mind all day, and tried to squeeze in home school with the kids, and normal day "stuff."  I have read the posts on Amanda's facebook page, and on  others' pages who held her so dear.  What a difference she made to so many....lives she saved, faith she encouraged, strength she gave.  I know that if she could respond to all the messages she would do so humbly.  Something along the lines of "I cannot believe so many people took the time to write so many nice things about ME...I am just doing my work that Heavenly Father has blessed me to be able to do." That would be followed by a pause, a watery eye, and then a "all I want for my birthday is a good piece of cake...and maybe a pair of those high heel shoes I love but have no need for!"

Her 51st Birthday Party at Chuy's

Florie helped with the candles

I think about all of the people who Amanda has connected through her work.  I see Starfish families in Kentucky united with families in Holland, and volunteers from ALL over the world who share a love for Starfish babies.  I see amazing women like Jeannie Butler, Ali Johnson, Stephanie Barbee, Sherri Farr, Amy Christiansen, Valeri Overmeyer,  and Sarah Rummage who served Amanda by joining forces at the end of her life (though we did not know then how short the end would be...) and who taught me what it means to truly love a friend well, to love unconditionally.  I see the Starfish Board who has worked so hard over the last year to preserve Amanda's dream....to carry the torch she began.  I see so many individuals who were affected by Amanda...deeply, passionately...including Kay, Marianne, and more.  I see her family in South Africa and am so happy to have been able to meet her mother.

Amanda and Jeannie

Amanda and Sherri

I feel some regrets that I have had to grow beyond.  I regret the day that my photography friend took pictures of Amanda.  I had been for a run that morning and had not showered yet.  Vickie offered to take a picture of the two of us, but I declined, saying that we would do it again soon.  That time never came.  All the times I was with Amanda, I have no photo of us.  We did make one photo together, the day before she went to Heaven.  It is beautiful, but it is one that I will only show to myself. Amanda was not quite at her best then.  She taught me to look beyond myself...at things that are truly important. Who cares if I was dirty that day?  Our smiles would have been captured.  I try to take the time now to pause and to be free to love unconditionally.

The song "Amazing Grace" has been playing over and over in my head today:

Amazing Grace
How Sweet the Sound

That Saved a Wretch like Me
I Once was Lost
But Now am Found
Was Blind but Now I See

I know Amanda sees now.  I know that she is at peace.  I know that her wings are huge, and that she is always by our sides...all of us who have been touched by this angel.  

From a poem from Unknown who says what Amanda would say about her cancer and her life:

No chance hath brought this ill to me;

'Tis God's own hand, so let it be,

He seeth what I cannot see.

There is a need-be for each pain,

And one day will make it plain

That earthly loss is heavenly gain.

Like as a piece of tapestry

Viewed from the back appears to be

Naught but threads tangled hopelessly;

But in the front a picture fair

Rewards the worker for his care,

Proving his skill and patience rare.

Thou are the Workman, I the frame.

Lord, for the glory of Thy Name,

Perfect Thine image on the same.

Happy Birthday Amanda.

I love you, and miss you!

Thinking of Amanda

January 14 marks 6 months since Amanda de Lange left this world to join her Heavenly Father.  A group of us from Team Amanda here in Nashville are meeting for lunch at a Mexican restaurant to celebrate her life by sharing memories over chips and salsa.  Amanda loved chips and salsa and it was really hard to come by in China!

I have a picture of her hanging in my office....with the Starfish Story printed under it as was handed out at her memorial in Nashville.  It brings a smile to me when I look at it, and reminds me before I go into the world each day that I WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE TO THIS ONE whether that means my own child, the cashier at the grocery store, the mailman, or my dearest friends.  When Amanda first arrived in Nashville, her plane landed about 9:30 pm at night. I went to the airport to get her, and that was one of the two times that she cried here.  (the other was when I took her to the hospital on June 28 when she was in such pain....).  She said she cried because she felt relief, and a sense of safety.  She felt comfort.  She said over and over how God had brought her to Nashville for a reason, and she was ready to do whatever He wanted for her.

We went to the doctor first thing the next day.  It was a really long day, and they wanted to admit her.  They did, and ran tests which came back unexpectedly positive.  When she was discharged, we rode back to my house thinking about all we had learned. We had to stop in Walgreens for some prescriptions, and she came in with me.  It was like watching a kid in a candy store for the first time.  Amanda walked up and down each aisle, quietly, and looked at everything.  Her only remark is how crazy it was to see all of this STUFF in one place. China did not have that in her area.  When we checked out, our cashier just had a blank, lost face.  She was like a robot, doing her job, but was clearly not "present."  Amanda reached out to her and asked her how she was, could Amanda do anything to help her?  Amanda, in a new country less than 48 hours, completely uncertain whether or not she would return to the country she loved, where her babies lived, stood there BALD from chemo, and asked the cashier could she pray for her.  Amanda was worried about the cashier for days, and we even went back to that Walgreens once, but that cashier was not there.

That epitomizes Amanda.  She strived to make a difference to each and every ONE that she came across.  She took the time to reach out even briefly to others.  I found a poem in a devotional I am reading now, and it spoke deeply to me.  This is how I thought of Amanda, and how she affected me:

Once I heard a song of sweetness,

As it cleft the morning air,

Sounding in its blest completeness, 

Like a tender, pleading prayer;

And I sought to find the singer,

Whence the wondrous song was borne;

And I found a bird, sore wounded,

Pinioned by a cruel thorn.

I have seen a soul in sadness, 

While its wings with pain were furl'd,

Giving hope, and cheer and gladness

That should bless a weeping world

And I knew that life of sweetness

Was of pain and sorrow borne,

And a stricken soul was singing,

With its heart against a thorn.

Ye are told of One who loved you,

Of a Saviour crucified,

Ye are told of nails that pinioned,

And a spear that pierced His side;

Ye are told of cruel scourging,

Of a Saviour bearing scorn,

And He died for your salvation,

With His brow against a thorn.

Ye "are not above the Master."

Will you breathe a sweet refrain?

And His grace will be sufficient,

When your heart is pierced with pain.

Will you live to bless His loved ones,

Tho' your life be bruised and torn,

Like the bird that sang so sweetly,

With its heart against a thorn?

As we celebrate Amanda's life, please remember to help carry on her legacy...pray for and support Starfish if you are able.  Reach out to those around you. Make a difference to the ONE that you encounter.  Amanda was right.  God did send her here for many reasons....and one of those was to strengthen my faith in HIM.

Tomorrow, I will enjoy chips and salsa and laugh about stories of Amanda....it would be what she wanted!

And did she ever make a difference the ONE!!!

Love,

Eve