Although it has gone quickly, this school year has been full of ups and downs. Some of the ups were higher than I could have imagined, and some of the downs were much deeper than I thought possible. But, we got through it all as a family, and honestly, are better people for it.
PERSEVERANCE--persistence in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.
When we see ourselves in a situation which must be endured and gone through, it is best to make up our minds to it, meet it with firmness, and accommodate everything to it in the best way practicable. This lessens the evil, while fretting and fuming only serves to increase your own torments. --Thomas Jefferson
"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9
Something that I have had to work on as a parent of 3 teenage boys: TRUST. Trust that the kids will make good decisions for themselves--actually this is a hope and a prayer more than a trust. Trust that their friends will be supportive--again, a hope and a prayer. Trust so many things, but most importantly, trust God's plan for them. Trust how He loves them more than I possibly could. Time has shown how I want control, and that I struggle to trust God here. It seems ludicrous to write that, but it is true. There is a moment where all parents of "emerging adults" have to let go of the parental control we have provided for years. Our teens must try out things for themselves so they can figure out who they are apart from family. I used to think that I could HELP them through this process but giving advice, or worse, strong suggestions, as to what choices they should or should not make. My words and experiences could surely save my teens from having to go through some of the mistakes I did, right? I mean, I have been a keen observer of my children for YEARS. I can see their full potential. I see what ALL they COULD become. Maybe with just the right prompt at just the right time, and they will see it too! "If only they would study 15 minutes a day for the ACT, if only they would do that extra volunteer activity, if only they would run for class office, if only they would take that job, if only they would practice their starts more, if ONLY they would ______________."
Something that I have had to work on as a parent of 3 teenage boys: TRUST. Trust that the kids will make good decisions for themselves--actually this is a hope and a prayer more than a trust. Trust that their friends will be supportive--again, a hope and a prayer. Trust so many things, but most importantly, trust God's plan for them. Trust how He loves them more than I possibly could. Time has shown how I want control, and that I struggle to trust God here. It seems ludicrous to write that, but it is true. There is a moment where all parents of "emerging adults" have to let go of the parental control we have provided for years. Our teens must try out things for themselves so they can figure out who they are apart from family. I used to think that I could HELP them through this process but giving advice, or worse, strong suggestions, as to what choices they should or should not make. My words and experiences could surely save my teens from having to go through some of the mistakes I did, right? I mean, I have been a keen observer of my children for YEARS. I can see their full potential. I see what ALL they COULD become. Maybe with just the right prompt at just the right time, and they will see it too! "If only they would study 15 minutes a day for the ACT, if only they would do that extra volunteer activity, if only they would run for class office, if only they would take that job, if only they would practice their starts more, if ONLY they would ______________."
This year taught me that my job is not to prevent, nor to save, nor to push my kids to be such amazing versions of themselves that they lose sight of what it means to BE a kind and loving person because they are so wrapped up in DOING. What if my husband or girlfriends followed me around all day with "helpful" suggestions? "Hey, Eve, if you folded laundry for 30 minutes every day, you could keep your laundry room impeccable. Hey Eve, if you committed to doing ab workouts just 15 minutes every day, you could get that core where you think you want it. Hey Eve, have you reached out to your friends today? Hey Eve, how is that compost heap coming along? You know you want to help the environment. Hey Eve, have you done that Marie Kondo to another room yet? I saw how much you enjoyed doing that in Florie's room...when are you starting the next room? You said you wanted to, and I am just reminding you....Hey, Eve...." It is exhausting. And yet, that is what I see myself inadvertently doing to my kids.
Please know I am not suggesting that kids do not need to experience some pressures, and they certainly do not need to sit around playing Fortnite 7 days a week. But, they do need to be seen. They need to know that we SEE them, we want to HEAR them, and that their thoughts MATTER to us. I now know that my job is to LOVE them. It is to be here, listening, when their decisions catch up to them. My job is to sit with them when they need to pick up their broken pieces. To let them know that when s*#t happens, they don't have to be alone, because we all know s*#t WILL happen, and no one needs to be alone. My job is to encourage them to have PERSEVERANCE. My job is to become a parent who listens for what their child needs, and be that for them. It is THEIR life to live, not mine.
“The beginning of love is the will to let those we love be perfectly themselves, the resolution not to twist them to fit our own image. If in loving them we do not love what they are, but only their potential likeness to ourselves, then we do not love them: we only love the reflection of ourselves we find in them”
― No Man Is an Island
I look forward to the future. I look forward to seeing what my 4 wonderfully different yet equally beautiful kids become. I look forward to that knowing that they will make their choices ON THEIR OWN, and yet knowing that I am always a phone call, text, or snapchat away. I recognize that this is an odd topic for my blog, but many of my friends are walking on this path of our teens growing up, and we are all sharing that loss of control. There are no right or wrong ways, but I see how much support matters. I welcome any suggestions or things that may have helped YOU parent emerging adults. I just know I want more than reflections of me. I want THEM.
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