Bran Muffins and Red Wine

Whew.  I am there.  The Wall.
Do you ever have those days/weeks where strep runs through the house, or even the stomach bug? Those times when you pretty much drop everything else just to get through the day?  Those days I typically cherish (sounds weird, I know), because I AM able to drop everything and just take care of my family.  That is one of the reasons I stopped working to stay home WITH the kids.  So I could be....THERE.  And THERE is a wonderful place to be.  BUT we have had strep, the frigid winter where NO ONE including the dogs can go outside...where the kids are out of school more days than they are in.....when I keep telling myself  I will do a BIG cleaning tomorrow, or catch up on this tomorrow.  But, tomorrow has not yet come.  William and I have also started the renovation on the boys' room (please note I use the term "I" rather generously here....he has done nearly ALL the work).  SO, the playroom is now the boys' bedroom, their furniture is out in the hall upstairs, their closet is on Florie's future bed....you get the picture. It is all temporary and SO worth it, but I have used it as an excuse to postpone "things" until tomorrow....I know I am a procrastinator.  I need some stress and some pressure to get things going.  I thrive under some pressure....but there is a point when I realize that my weakness due to procrastination gets the better of me, and today is that day.
My youngest is sick with strep...big fever, no eating, barely drinking, and has wanted me beside him all day. Literally.  This is after two weeks of snow days, and colds, and diarrhea, and no form of set routine for the boys. I did get to run 7 1/2 miles outside early this am (even in 15 degree weather it was invigorating and WONDERFUL), and I came home ready to catch up on all of the things around the house that had been neglected the past few weeks.  My boys are really willing to help when I engage or challenge them....and I had a plan all prepared for my helpers.  But, Jack had other plans.  He needed me to sit, and just be beside him.  So I did.  And I cherished it.  The first 5 hours, anyway.  After that the afternoon sun shone through the windows, showing all of the dust on the hardwoods, and dog hair bunnies scampering around. I ignored it....I really did.  I even made homemade vegan bran muffins which the kids love and we all licked the bowl (Jack sadly forgot he loves the muffins but is pretty sure the batter tastes like poison, and was not happy with his lick at all!).  I got a glass of red wine my sweet hubby left for me, and we all curled up to watch a movie tonight.  But afterwards, my wall hit.  I found myself snippy with the kids.  The dust, the laundry waiting on me, the unflushed toilets (which are a fine now of 10 cents a pop at my house just in case you come to visit!),  the Legos all over the floor which really hurt when you step on them in the dark (surely I can sell all these Legos one day to the military to use as booby traps or something!)....it just sucked  out all of the being THERE, and the cherished sweet moments with my kids.  And I HATE that.
THE WALL is present.  Thankfully, I was able to apologize to the kids before they fell asleep for my snippy behavior.  I am also thankful that I can see there are choices for getting past this wall.  I can wake up as a tyrant in the morning, push through the day, and get as much done as possible, so that the house and laundry are in order and I feel "better."  OR, I can just start somewhere....15 minutes here, 15 minutes there...and a change will happen, albeit a bit slower, but with a lot less push and a lot more opportunity for being THERE. Who knows what tomorrow will bring...more strep?  SNOW?  SNOW DAY?  Freezing temps?  It is called LIFE....and I am so thankful for it.  The past few crazy weeks have just led me to refocus on priorities.....and that I cannot wait for tomorrow or the perfect time to do "things."  There is no perfect time, except for the time I can BE present with my family.  That is a gift.
So, my plan is to do a little here and a little there. Take time to smell the roses (or the soccer sock left under the stairs...).  In only 15 years, my kids will be 25, 22, 20 and 17.  Do I really want them to remember a clean house and "caught up" laundry (whatever the heck that is!)?  Or, do I want them to remember the times I dropped EVERYTHING just to be beside them when they needed it?  To sit beside them and know that tomorrow will be okay, no matter what, because we will face it TOGETHER.  That is what FAMILY is, and that is how we approach LIFE.

As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you.
And you will be comforted in Jerusalem.  Isaiah 66:13