Why Can't I Sleep?

Tomorrow night will mark the one week date of returning from China. It has been a bit of a foggy week--getting back into a routine with the boys, and usual household chores, errands, exercise, etc. I have had a great time learning about the fun things the boys did while I was away, whether it was riding a ferryboat with Sugar, riding on a tractor with Grandad, or touring the caverns with Maw and Papaw. They all had a blast! The boys have shared their events, and we have done playdates, swimming pool trips, bike rides, reading time, etc, AND I STILL CANNOT SLEEP at night. Well, if I use a sleep "aid" I can sleep---without moving much. But, even when I feel as if my eyes cannot remain open one more second, as soon as I lay down, it is toss and turn....11 pm, 12:15 am, 1 am, 3 am, 3:45 am, and so on. My thoughts? They are all on Hohhot and some of the children there. How are they? Do they still think of us? Did they have enough to eat today? What could we have done differently? Why did we not do this, or that? How is the boy who loved to pick up for us? How is the sweet girl in the wheelchair? I make lists in my head of how we can do things next year...Next year. Words I thought I would never utter otu of my mouth after that first Monday there. When we met in our hotel room that night for devotional, most of us were not certain we wanted there to be a next DAY at the orphanage, let alone a next year. Funny thing...that is when we started to realized that this trip was in God's control and not ours. Not our trip to enjoy and plan perfectly (for those of us planners out there). He pulled us out of our safe and predictable lives here and forced us into a seemingly uncomfortable "adventure." Why? Well, to open our hearts to love these children, the "least of the least," to learn to see past their "flaws' at the beauty within....to learn to not impose our expectations, hopes, and ideals onto China and its culture, but to love China how we can. He held up a mirror to us to show us OUR flaws, our limitations and imperfections, altogether present and huge, though not as physically obvious as say the childrens. He put us together as a group to bend and break together, and then to pull together as the body is meant to do, to support each other as we learn how much God is in control. I felt like on the trip, God guided our every move--there were so many "signs," and just amazing ways that things came together that only HE could do. When I cannot sleep, I miss this. In my "busy" life here, it is all too easy to push aside prayer time, or to stop and enjoy the details of life that are carefully orchestrated. I try to control here, with th boys, the laundry, the plans of the day, what works best for me....which may be why I cannot sleep, or REST. In China, I was forced to rest in Him....and it was good.
Tonight, I will set aside time for me, for prayer with and without my kids, to focus on His presence. He is as here as he was in China, if I only let him be, by letting me be.
I noticed on the site some pictures have disappeared, and will try to get those back on soon.
Love,
Eve