My Call to Love: 2016 at a Glance

The most beautiful moments always seemed to accelerate and slip beyond one's grasp just when you want to hold on to them as long as possible.

E.A. Bucchianeri

"I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo.

"So do I," said Gandalf, " and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. "

J.R.R. Tolkien

The beginning of a new year always triggers a time of reflection for me. I think about memories shared, experiences created, bonds strengthened, and hope renewed. I have to work to NOT think about "wasted days," things I "should" have done, plans not fulfilled, and failed goals. The concept of TIME rears up again. I regret how often I say, " I just need more hours in the day." Yes, I realize that phrase is used to counter the guilt I feel for not accomplishing all that I hope on any given day....but there is some truth to it. I do not need more hours, but I do need restructured hours. Where do I allow my time to go? Is it to my family? Is it to friends with whom I have committed a deep, mutual friendship? Is it to connecting with God by reading His word? Or is it to Facebook, Instagram, or Pinterest on easily distractible topics that keep me from fully focusing? I know the answer. I don't like it, but I know it.

I set aside the month of January to limit my time on social media. We use the Circle with Disney app to limit/control our kids' internet access. It is my favorite app! I can also set time limits on myself, but I seem to always create an excuse for me....such as the need to follow the inauguration and the Women/s March....on Facebook. I was nauseated by the vile and hatred from both sides posted on FB, but I kept looking. I had the urge to keep searching until I found what I was looking for even though I had no idea what I wanted! I felt lost, out of control, uneasy. But, I was drawn in.

Thankfully, God intervened. I found Florie's notes from her time in the orphanage. We had them translated while we were in China. I have read them several times before, but not recently. She is almost 8 now, and I can see patterns in her personality from back then to now. It made me happy and it broke my heart. I just wanted to hold her and protect her from the lost feelings. I went to bed that night unable to sleep.....and the next morning, I awakened early for a run. I had to go early, and it was raining. I set out in the dark, in the rain, maybe feeling a little sorry for myself. THEN, it happened. The sky cleared, and the sun rise began. The hues of purple, pink and orange overwhelmed me. The beauty was tangible....I rounded a cul-de-sac, and behind me, was a full rainbow. My spirits lifted as I could feel God's presence....he is here. He is LOVE. He is RESPECT. He is DIGNITY. He is HOPE. And as quickly as the sunrise and rainbow appeared, they were gone....the rain returned, but my outlook had changed.

And the reflection began....here is a glimpse of what is important to me from the past year. 2015 was SO hard with losing my mom. The grief was overwhelming at times. 2016 was better. The pain of losing a loved one never leaves, it just fades and then knocks you in the face on occasion. I know Mom would have loved seeing all of these pictures, and that makes me smile.