I just read "Jesus Calling" and it SO fits today and my recent prayers. We are waiting on one last form to be able to send our dossier to China (DTC) and then receive a log-in-date (LID) so that we may be matched with our daughter. The form is the I800A and is presently at the US govt office....it takes up to 3 months to receive "approval." I keep looking at Rumor Queen (www.chinaadopttalk.com) at all of the charts and scouring the dates.....what is the median time, the maximum time for approval, or notice, is there anyone else near my dates who has received the information I am so ready to see in my mailbox? Then, I can make guesses like "if I have my I800a approval by _____, then my DTC may be _____, and our LID ____....you can see the trend. OBSESSION. I have been praying that I will use RQ only to glean information as there are so many incredible topics and tips, to support and receive support from others in the same boat as me, but NOT to fixate on it!
So, today, I read Jesus Calling:
You will not find My Peace by engaging in excessive planning: attempting to control what will happen to you in the future.....Just when you think you have prepared for all possibilities, something unexpected pops up and throws things into confusion.
Bring Me all your needs, hopes, and fears. Commit everything into My care. Turn from the path of planning to the path of peace.
At the end I fully expected it to say EVE. This is hard for me...I am a planner. From 5th grade on I planned to go to medical school. William and I carefully planned the timing of our wedding to revolve around medical board exams. I planned for Alex, and for Ben, and while planning for Jack, "got" Jack. I wanted to adopt several years ago, but William was not ready, and God said no. Plan thwarted for the time being, but he had a plan.
I like being in control, but I realize more and more that this does not bring me PEACE. It does bring me anxiety, tension, stress, hopeless feelings, and grumpiness, which then spills over to my family. That is not what God wants for me....he offers PEACE. I know that HE knows who is at the end of our red thread in China...who our daughter is, where she is, and when we will meet her....it IS in HIS control, and I am so thankful for that. I just have to remind myself by whispering (or shouting!) JESUS when I forget.
I Peter 5: 6-7 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Proverbs 16: 9 In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.
Psalm 37: 5 Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and he will do this.
Love,
Eve
1 comment:
I've sooo been in those shoes of yours, I remember analyzing and re-analyzing every tid bit of information I could get my hands on. With Emma, the RQ site wasn't around but we did the same thing with the various yahoo groups. Then even doubly so when I discovered RQ during the wait for Bex.
Great thing you read, implant those words in your heart - you'll have your new child in just the 'right' time!
You know what just dawned on me, we were in Nashville when we found out Rebecca's paperwork had finally made it to the CCAA & we faxed a letter from the hotel in Nashville to our contact in China.
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